Bad Humor

Evaluating "Pro Gun" Humor

Every once in a while someone e-mails me some kind of funny pro-gun humor. Sometimes they can be funny. Often they are sarcastic or reflect a cynical humor about the state of legal affairs. But some are funny only on their face and less funny if you're truely law abiding.

This particular item is making the rounds and was forwarded to me by a former coworker. She thought it was funny. So did I, at least on the surface. But there's a serious problem with it that should be obvious.

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To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A. M. EST.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend and me, threatening our lives.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very Intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, wasn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a lot of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number, etc).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime.

I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

P.S. Remember this motto.
An armed society makes for a more civil society!

At first blush, it's mildly funny that the street thug gets his "just desserts" by becoming a victim of the same kinds of crimes he [and others] would perpetrate against you and me. It's the old an eye for an eye kind of biblical justice.

But let's look at it from a more legalistic viewpoint. When threatened with robbery, our intrepid citizen could have defended himself with his Kimber .45 pistol. And it would probably have been ruled justified.

If he had forced the thug to drop his knife then leave behind his wallet and cell phone and used the thug's cell phone to call police, his actions could be deemed defensible. The knife is evidence, perhaps with fingerprints on it. The wallet identifies the thief and taking the cell phone prevents him from calling his "buddies" to retaliate.

Instead, our citizen turns criminal. He keeps the thug's money and then gives it away. He illegally uses the thug's credit card for purchases, makes threatening phone calls on the cell phone and damages another person's car. By the time he's done, I figure he's chalked up one federal felony, four state felonies and about five misdemeanor crimes.

This kind of behavior is not in keeping with our "law abiding" image as gun owners. It is certainly not the image we want of CCW permit holders! The premise is certainly funny and gratifying for anyone who's been robbed or had their identity stolen.

I think the correct response to this kind of "humor" is that such actions are unlikely by most gun owners or permit holders. But it does point out to the potential thief what could happen if they were given a dose of their own medicine. Fortunately, the vast majority of our citizenry would rather see the thug in jail than commit illegal acts as retribution.

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